The purpose of this bulletin is to make the department’s statements available in the form in which they were issued.

A missing mattress label is an observation. A national bedding conspiracy is an interpretation. The first can be entered into a report without the second being adopted by the department.

The same distinction applies to the church-donation inquiry and the reported figure in the woods. Conducting an inquiry does not settle its result.

Mr. Gai is entitled to describe his investigations on his own website. Residents consulting that account should also read the relevant departmental statement.

Please use the press release index for published statements and the community notices for instructions concerning the affected areas.

Hootie B. Phish
Chief of Police